What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
