so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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