Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My boob is missing a layer of skin
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
