Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
