I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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