youre lurking in front of me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
