My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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