Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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