There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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