I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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