you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
