apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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