wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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