i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
