i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
not ubering you a puppy
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
