just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
