I faked an abortion last night.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
