If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
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I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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