I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
