Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Your topless pictures make me question reality
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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