I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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