My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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