I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
