Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
