My first STD was from a foam party
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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