I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he fucked my hip out of place.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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