the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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