Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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