I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
