I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
