she smelled like a LAN party
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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