I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All the doctor said was why
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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