that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize