this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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