Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize