Dual....:-)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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