Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
