Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
