Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
