when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
