Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
