im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
