I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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