I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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