I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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