she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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