Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
