he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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