You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
