All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
