Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
