I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
