No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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