dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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