Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
