Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
