She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
