Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My vagina just clenched in fear
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
