you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
