Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The best revenge is premature balding
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
