Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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