Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
