i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
