i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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