In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
